Submitting To Scunt

No, I have not developed some new disease and have decided to write a 'Dealing With Headlice' or 'Living With Bleeding Gums' style pamphlet in blog form. That is not what I have done. What I have done recently is post a review on Scunt which is a satirical website I discovered via twonking about on Twitter. The shadowy figures at work behind the scenes of this very funny site have kindly asked me to contribute some reviews, which I fully intend to do. I have posted one already. It is here. It's 'ok' I think. Hopefully my next one will be better. Please go and have a look.

www.scunt.co.uk

Yours tremendously,

Martin.

Possible BBC shows for the summer.

TWIT MY RIDE

Beloved Hip Hop pioneer Tim 'The Big Dawg' Westwood hides in the back of a random strangers car and reports on their car journeys in his own inimitable style using the popular social networking site Twitter.

"Ethel Brown is turning her swag up to 11 and getting her game on. We off to Tesco for some fresco. We be taking Derby Road by storm! BOOOM!"



I CAN SEE FOR CHILES

Sad faced People's Pundit Adrian Chiles points out objects of interest in the distance whilst grimacing intently.

"I think, I think that's a post office..."





MAD ABOUT THE ROY

'Catchphrase' sensation Roy Walker takes an in depth look at celebrity stalking and the stalkers themselves, the show climaxes with a segment in which Roy is locked in a featureless, windowless room with a large man who has been stalking Roy for 27 years and refers to himself as Mr. Chips.




F###ING KITCHEN B###OCKS S###HEAD

Britain's favourite sweary chef spends a day with an average 'credit crunched' family and ruthlessly tears apart their every meal. Wince as he drowns one of the children in their pathetic bowls of cereal at breakfast, laugh as Mum's piss-poor ham sandwich lunch is set on fire and fired at her leg using a nail gun, whimper as Dad's offensive Shepherd's Pie is kicked around the house before Gordon beats the inferior cook to death using a selection of carefully selected kitchen implements.

All About The Trout

Here is an ace video of the mighty Rainbow Trout, edited by the tremendous Mike Nixon. Have a little look won't you? EH? I said look. LOOK AT ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT.



For more Trout action go here. Just do it, don't make me get up and come over there. They are playing at Trof in Fallowfield tonight with Ten Bears. Woop!

Funny Stuff.

These animations are dark as hell but funny.

Holy Shit This Is Amazing.

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Phone Jibber Jabber

I am officially crap on the phone. During my working day I have to make phone calls on a fairly regular basis to other firms, courts, and so on. During EACH of these phone calls I will babble incoherently at least twice. I get flustered VERY easily and whilst panicking about not sounding professional I tend to stammer and forget what I'm saying. I generally sound like a schizophrenic mental patient who has suddenly found himself in charge of a phone and can now finally get in touch with those nice glowing robot unicorns that promised him peace and tranquillity in the future.

During my last call I began to get things wrong and my colleague had to interrupt me several times to correct my mistakes. This reduced me to a mess which sounded roughly like Woody Allen impersonating Hugh Grant after drinking 3 paddling pools of red bull. During this nonsense I am fairly sure the woman on the other end of the line was trying to explain important things to me but I blathered inanely over the top of her anyway.

I could hear her laughing as she put the phone down.

Tommy The Cat